From: “Jayden Kevin McAndrews <firstname.lastname@example.org>”
To: “Jennifer Shapiro Beauchamp <email@example.com>”
Subject: Ethan’s conduct at Gertrude’s
Dear Ms. Beauchamp:
First, let me thank you again for your contribution to my surgery fundraiser. I have now recovered completely and I couldn’t have done it without you!
it has come to the attention of the collective at Gertrude’s that a frequent attendee at our events, Ethan Beau, is your fifteen-year-old son. He must be the same adorable Ethan I remember scampering around under our feet at the contra dances back in the day. He has certainly grown!
While we respect the self-identification of all our customers, we suspect that his claims to be a 28-year-old trans man are not an authentic expression of his inner self. Several attendees complained to us that he could not name a single song by *NSYNC. The attached screenshot of him bragging on Twitch about “scorin cougaz at gertrudes wit mah bowtieee” would appear to confirm this.
Please inform Ethan that effective immediately we will have to begin enforcing our 18-and-up policy. Also, there are several members of the community who could benefit from a lightly-used binder; we suggest he drop it in the box outside the Village Exchange at his convenience.
Again, thanks for your many years of being a good neighbor!
Jayden Kevin McAndrews
On behalf of the Organizing Collective