Personal news

Banned, huh?

Apparently I’ve been banned from the My Husband Betty message boards.  As far as I can tell, I didn’t violate any rules, and I haven’t received any explanation other than the mention of a particular comment that I made.  Well, I’m angry about it, but I know that things said in anger can come back to haunt people, so all I’ll say is that I expected a lot more maturity.  And that I haven’t felt like I was treated fairly there for a while, so I’d rather be banned than be a second-class citizen.

What a pain in the ass.  Oh well, life goes on.

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  1. Well, how bizarre.
    You know, I went back and looked at your last 30 – 40 posts or so, and I sure didn’t see anything — though one of those posts had been edited by a moderator. (But didn’t look like there had been anything there directed at anyone on the boards.) So who knows?
    Hang in there, and keep in touch. You are someone that I happen to value pretty highly.

  2. Thanks, Phoebe.

    Any message board posts that would have been used as a reason to ban me have been deleted, so you wouldn’t be able to see them. I’ve been on moderation since July, so most of them have never been seen by anyone but me and a moderator. You just have to trust Helen that they were worth banning me for. Obviously, I disagree with her judgment.

  3. Betty submitted a comment to this thread giving some explanation for Helen’s actions, but I don’t want to have a public debate about this. I just wanted to post the basic fact that I’ve been banned, and my feeling that it was unfair.

  4. Dear A,

    I was disappointed to learn that we will not be able to enjoy your company and the intensity of your intellect and spirit on mHB for awhile. I was not privy to the details of this situation as I have been, particularly in the last few months, an itinerant member of that forum at best. If you were treated unjustly, I am sorry. If you were too exuberant and crossed lines which are rightly HB and BC’s to set in that arena; well, that is a choice you made–daring the consequences based on your internal sense of right and wrong. I question neither, but I would say that if you find in the balance that you’re not completely happy with your own behavior that you will never regret an email that attempts to square things, regardless of the response.

    Before he was killed in a motorcycle accident Bob Connors, a major figure in rhetoric and composition theory in the US, spoke to me of the transient nature of rightness, reputation, and high theory. It was a very giving moment to a then-graduate student who was struggling with a lot of things. I don’t know why I am telling you this other than to wish you every wonderful thing. I guess I’m saying these things because I think (and you know I am nothing if not willing to be wrong) that I sense grief in your exile from mHB. Your blog speaks with strong words, but there is hurt behind them I think. You were a significant part of the community that exists there. I see no way to mark that exile without just being really sad about it and feeling the hurt. Your voice is so strong and indomitable, so classically CD and something I enjoyed so much because of the energy behind that voice in all of its beauteous handsomeness. I don’t know, what happened A? Didn’t you know that we really did care about you? Know that now, with these words oh my dear linguist.

    Finish that dissertation A, and go on to do good things. If you need an outside member to serve on your committee, there are many of us that would be proud to serve. Good luck to you my friend. Thank you for so many good discussions in the past. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for making me think. Thank you for being your own awesome bad-self. Rock on A. Know that you have many friends and supporters.

    Be well,


  5. Thanks, Katherine, for such a nice letter. I’m definitely feeling hurt by being first kept on moderation for six months and then banned. I’m also sad because I know I will miss a lot of the people on the boards. I’m also sad that things have come between me and Helen and Betty, because I still like them.

    But before this latest incident, and even before I was chewed out in July, I felt that the boards were evolving in a direction that I wasn’t comfortable with. In retrospect, I guess I felt most at home there back in late 2004 and early 2005. In recent months I’ve felt outnumbered and occasionally shouted down. Of course that’s been balanced by some spectacular moments when I’ve been away from the boards for a day or two and found that other members had taken some really strong and creative stands on the issues.

    In any case, I will definitely miss some of your posts, which can be very poetic and insightful. I hope you’ll keep in touch and continue to post comments here.

  6. this is just to say: i do not know & have never disliked you. more than anything, your membership on the boards became a time management issue. i was missing so much else that other people posted in order to calm people down who’d been hurt/offended by your posts.

    the irony of course is that we damn well needed your voice, which is the most frustrating part of it all to me.


  7. Thanks for writing, Helen. I’m sorry to hear that it was such a burden to deal with the reactions to my posts. As I think you realized, it wasn’t my intention to hurt or offend people. I didn’t see their complaints, so I don’t know if they were legitimate or not, but as far as I can tell I followed all the rules of the forum.

    In any case, you can still get my voice here, and if anyone wants to read me pontificating about a particular subject, they’re welcome to email me a request.

    Of course, I still think your voice is very much needed, and I encourage people to read your blog and buy your new book.

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